time to get real

    over the last couple weeks i've found myself in the midst of a transitional phase. my life doesn't look a whole lot different from before my wedding or last year when i was in school. i mean, i still don't have a job or a set schedule. i still have plenty of time to blog and make art and exercise and have fun. but lately i've been thinking, what really does my life mean these days?

    i'm finished with grad school, i'm living in a whole new city, i am now living with another person, that person being my new life partner, and i don't know many people around me anymore. i don't have a place. a place where i can go to see people. a place where i can contribute to the world. a place that gives my thoughts and actions a purpose. right now i don't have school or work or even a spiritual community.

    the other night we helped some friends paint their kitchen - a typically boring job, i was so excited to be able to do something with a couple hours of my time. it's hard right now because i don't have a car to get out there and we don't have enough furniture yet to invite people into our home.

    i also have one of those strange careers where, as a master's level graduate, i won't get paid for my hard work for the first year or two {unacceptable, by the way}. not to mention that, at 28 years old, this is my third career and i'm still not totally sold on it. i wrestle with the question, how much of me is my career? with SO MANY interests, dreams, and big ideas, where do they all fit in my life realistically? how much a part of my job do they need to be, and how much time outside of a job should i dedicate to my passions? how much of each of the things i love make up who i am?

    these are the things i'm wrestling with right now as i find myself having a LOT of free time, no money, and no way to get around. i know that i'm just in a weird in-between place right now, but i also feel like i'm at a cross-roads where i can start molding my life in ways that i always wanted - ways i never thought possible when i was in my early and mid 20's. but that also means i have to start making some definitive choices for my life. i have to pick a path and try it out. just do something and see. i also have to decide what are each of my dreams worth? what would i have to sacrifice in order to try out each path with my whole heart? and would the outcome make me so happy that the sacrifice would be worth it?

    with so much to think about, i've begun making my lists, journaling, and creating art. i'm also hoping we'll get a car soon so i can begin to explore my interests in more tangible ways. and really, as frustrating as it can be to not know the future, it's exciting to be crossing a bridge with a surprise on the other side.

    -- in other news --
    many of you mentioned that you weren't familiar with the bands and albums i talked about yesterday, so i decided to put together a little sampler of my favorite songs from those albums. honestly, i wish i could take this playlist and put it into record form so i wouldn't have to choose. oh decisions!
    hope you enjoy!

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time to get real

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